The tame, me
Rajesh Kaul
I like sunshine, its warmth as well as its light. That is why heat does not make me uncomfortable and I don’t say the heat is scorching or that it is a blistering sun. But that was the truth till yesterday. Today, when I looked upwards, I felt the sun’s heat ‘biting’ rather blistering the skin, though today’s sunshine does not seem to be different from yesterdays, nor has the sky or the sun changed. But my feelings changed drastically overnight. That is what I feel, but I don’t express it, not even to my wife, since I don’t want to become a laughing stock.
Looking through the grille of the window, I am watching the big hollow, which seems to have a deep cave like structure in the centre. The midday sun makes the depression more prominent. Due to blazing sun, the outside world gives the impression of a ‘curfewed’ environment. Human beings, animals, birds, all creatures seem to have gone into hiding. Within the ‘cave’ of the hollow, a brown dog, with its front paws fixed on the ground is crouching, half-sleeping rather dozing. At intervals, the dog lifts its head a little upwards, makes a quick survey of surroundings with one eye half-open, as if trying to ascertain if anybody else had been as lucky as the dog, in finding a cool place. Once it ascertains that none else has been lucky, it reverts back to its old posture and relapses into the state of dozing.
Well, from tomorrow I too will be dozing, tomorrow is the day of my retirement. It could be the reason for the sunshine making me uncomfortable today and sunlight irking me, even though I am sitting inside. Today is the last day in the office, and tomorrow comes the retirement.
‘Sir, have you come’, he said, it was not a question.
‘Yes, but was slightly late today’. I replied briefly. I seemed to be disturbed or preoccupied with something, could not understand the reason, some kind of uneasiness it was.
‘These files will remain in this very condition- without any action’, I said.
‘I too was thinking the same thing’, he commented.
‘So many confidential files, many of them are such as are too difficult to be handled or tackled by anybody. Oh, I am reminded of something. These secret files are in the steel almirah. I shall handover the key to you in the evening, at the time of my departure’, I said.
What will happen to these files? Who will tackle these? Some important decisions are recorded in these files, and only I know where and when these decisions can be implemented or applied.
The bullock cart is loaded with goods. The bull moves only after feeling the mild slash of the whip. Now the dog has also come out of the ‘cave’ and is walking majestically, even haughtily along with the shadow of the cart. The dog feels that all the burden of the cart is on its shoulder, and if the dog had not been there, the cart along with the load would not have been where it was.
How will this lazy Verma handle the office? It is not within his competence to run a big establishment like this one. He was my assistant, but I made him to do the work of an dispatcher. After passing a few departmental examinations, he has been promoted to the position of DDA. To administer a department or to govern a country, you don’t only degrees, but should have experience.
‘May I come in please?’
‘Mr. Verma, come in. I was waiting for you’. Just look at his mien. His gaze is fixed on the chair.
‘Do come please. Congratulations for the new posting. It is a very responsible and important task that you will be handling and a lot of hard work is needed. I have explained everything to Tarsim. But if you face a difficulty, give me a ring. I shall be at my home only’.
‘Sir, I shall always need your guidance’, said Mr. Verma, reciting the sentence in such a manner that indicated he had been rehearsing it for months together. ‘I do understand everything, Verma, you cheat. But still you will need my advice.’
‘Well, Mr. Verma. That is enough now’. I said while getting up from the chair, ‘came on, assume your charge’.
‘What is the hurry, Sir? There are still two hours left’. Verma said “Let me meet other colleagues during the time”, I said.
The bullock cart stopped in the market, and laborers began to unload the goods. The dog came out of the shadow into the open air to have rest. The dog’s posture was that of a haughty creature, and seeing the goods being unloaded, the dog seemed to be beaming with pride.
‘Hallo, if the breakfast is ready, please serve it. It is getting late’, I gave the morning call as usual.
‘You don’t have patience even today’, my wife said, feeling a little irritated.
‘How can I have patience, when it is getting late’?
‘You have retired and from today you are a retired person. Don’t you remember even that?’, she said a little peevishly.
‘How does that matter? I have retired but will that absolve me of all my responsibilities? The people in the office don’t know much about the various matters and intricate issues. They won’t be able to handle things.
The dog was barking loudly. It was not that hot now. Perhaps the dog has no other task except barking. After all, a dog is a dog. Unless you hit it with a stone, it won’t keep quiet. Even if its fur gets blistered by Sun’s heat, it won’t move to a shady place. The dog increased the pitch of its barking.
‘Only I have the information about the secret files. A call from the office will be coming. You bet it. If that happens, I shall leave without having breakfast.’ In response to my explanation, my wife just frowned and went into the kitchen.
A boy walking on the road, had a beech stick in his hands. The boy moved it like a whip. The bullock cart came again into the motion, being pulled by the bull and moved forward. The dog, seeing the cart moving seemed to have got perturbed – how could the cart have moved, even when dog was not near it, but under a tree.
It was almost sunset. I was still sitting in a chair in the dining room waiting for the phone call. My wife got a cup of coffee and put it on the table. But then, she loosened my necktie, and my being got a shaking – I seemed to have remembered that I too had a backbone.
That boy was perhaps returning from school. He walked on the road and swung the beech stick, and the dog got stuck with a whiplash. It barked in a weak voice. It seems the dog had realized that it was hit by the whip accidentally. The dog was a civilized being.
Translated by: J L Raina
